So, a couple of months back I went out for ddalkgalbi with a Korean friend, and ddalkgalbi, for those of you who don’t know, is a grilled chicken dish often served stir-fry style with ddeok, vegetables, and soju.

Yep, that’s right: Soju.

Which, as you probably know, is typically drank as a shot.

But here’s the thing, in Korea a shot isn’t just a shot, especially not when drinking with someone older than yourself, because not only is Korea a patriarchal society it is also a hierarchal one. Meaning that ‘respect your elders’ is not just something parents say to their kids the same way that they would say to ‘remember your Ps and Qs.’

It is an integral part of their life, echoed in the language they speak, and the things they do. Which in the case of drinking amounts to a simple set of rules:

1. The youngest is typically the one who pours, with no one pouring for themselves.
2. When pouring to someone older, use two hands.
3. During ‘cheers’ make sure to clink the lip of your glass beneath the lip of the person who is older.
4. Turn away when drinking.

Now admittedly, most of these rules have been thrown to the wayside, except in situations involving someone far superior than yourself in terms of the hierarchal structure.

And that is where I made my mistake.

See, the friend I was drinking with was born is 1995, a year before myself. Which in my mind made him older and thereby deserving of some modicum of cultural respect. But he was a late 95, while I am a mid 96. So, technically we are ‘friends’ in the Korean sense of the word.

And part of me knew that, the smart part, the part that was suspiciously silent as I picked up the bottle with two hands and proceeded to pour, much to his amusement. God, was I so embarrassed in that moment. I mean, as a foreigner you are constantly aware of the differences in culture, and continuously trying to honour those differences whenever possible. So there I was, thinking that I was doing the correct thing, only to find out that I was horribly, mortifyingly wrong.

Still, it is better to be safe than sorry.

But at the same time, there is no need for an umbrella on a sunny day.