My New Boo

It’s funny, only a few weeks ago I had deleted this exact post because I thought that I had been proven wrong, that the person supposedly ghosting me had resurrected back into my life. But he hadn’t. Or at least, that is how the current situation would seem. Given the fact that I haven’t heard from him in two weeks. Which ordinarily, would not be such an unreasonable time to pass, after all there are friends that I haven’t spoken to in twice as long, but in Korean dating culture two weeks is the equivalent of a life time.

And unfortunately, amongst foreigners, ghosting is a fairly common occurrence. Partially because the language barrier makes it difficult to form meaningful relationships, while the cultural differences make it hard to commit. But also because many Korean men do not have the best of intentions when it comes to dating a foreigner. Many just want to have the experience of ‘riding the white horse,’ while others may simply want someone with whom they can practice and improve their English. But either way, the relationship comes with an expiration date.

Which obviously sucks. Mostly because it is an unspoken expiration date that only one side is made aware of, and there is nothing worse than buying fresh baked bread only to have it go stale a couple of days later. It’s different when you know, because when you know you can savour each bite knowing each bite is finite.

I would have liked to savour the moment a little more. To have been given the chance to gracefully say goodbye instead of clutching my phone like a lifeline, wondering if I am right or wrong.

Part of me still hopes that I am wrong.

At least for now, so that maybe we can talk, and I can say everything I should have said before. How I do not mind if you leave. I only ask that you let me know when you go so that I can close the door behind you.

And then open it again for someone new.

It’s Called A Crush For A Reason

I have never had much luck when it comes to relationships. In kindergarten I married a boy who grew up to be a drag queen. In middle school I dated a boy who tried to schedule a kiss the same way you would a date. And in high school…well, let’s just say I learned some valuable lessons.

But more often than not we forget those lessons. Sometimes purposefully. After all it is easier to remain a romantic at heart than to accept the reality that romance died the day John Hughes stopped making movies.

We want the fairy-tale.

So we resurrect his ghost and project our own versions of John Bender (The Breakfast Club), Lloyd Dobler (Say Anything), and Patrick Verona (10 Things I Hate About You) into our regular joes. And yes I know that those last two were not from Hughes, but they both appeal to the fairy-tale sensibility that we like to pretend we have outgrown. Even though I for one have always worn my heart like a post-it-note stuck to my sleeve.

And you know how easily those things fall.

Which is to say that I love more often than I probably should. Because love, despite the allure, is ultimately a duplicitous, and debilitating emotion. It has the power to bring a man to his knees, to blind believers with rusted halos. See the thing is, that no one ever remembers the bad parts in the movies. We watch Dirty Dancing for Baby and Johnny Castle, forgetting how Robbie abandoned Penny the moment he knocked her up. We see Crazy Rich Asians and cheer for the airplane proposal, dismissing the adultery between Astrid and Michael. We love our Hollywood love stories, but often fail to notice how few actually get to have the happily ever after.

And part of that has to do with the fact that we get so few love stories of our own. So, when we go to watch the latest Netflix Rom-Com we’re doing so for the fairytale. Because for so long as we are in those 90 minutes, we can believe that that kind of love is possible.

Even if it isn’t.

Even if the reality is that our definition of love is two people swiping left. A relationship that surpasses 100 days. Free bread sticks at Olive Garden. Answered texts. Because these days, most relationships are simply prolongated one-night stands.

But I personally want more, and refuse to settle for less.

Which is probably why I have been single for the past five years, but that is besides the point. Because the real purpose behind all of this talk of love, and romance, and failed relationships is that I have recently met someone. Someone important enough to make me wax lyrical about John Hughes and reference Dirty Dancing. Someone special. Someone different. Someone that I could see myself genuinely falling for. If whatever this is lasts long enough. Which I am afraid it won’t.

Because he is Korean.

And because I am me.

But, at the same time, it wouldn’t be a true love story if it were easy. Now would it?

 

Uncommon Courtesy

So, a couple of months back I went out for ddalkgalbi with a Korean friend, and ddalkgalbi, for those of you who don’t know, is a grilled chicken dish often served stir-fry style with ddeok, vegetables, and soju.

Yep, that’s right: Soju.

Which, as you probably know, is typically drank as a shot.

But here’s the thing, in Korea a shot isn’t just a shot, especially not when drinking with someone older than yourself, because not only is Korea a patriarchal society it is also a hierarchal one. Meaning that ‘respect your elders’ is not just something parents say to their kids the same way that they would say to ‘remember your Ps and Qs.’

It is an integral part of their life, echoed in the language they speak, and the things they do. Which in the case of drinking amounts to a simple set of rules:

  1. The youngest is typically the one who pours, with no one pouring for themselves.
  2. When pouring to someone older, use two hands.
  3. During ‘cheers’ make sure to clink the lip of your glass beneath the lip of the person who is older.
  4. Turn away when drinking.

Now admittedly, most of these rules have been thrown to the wayside, except in situations involving someone far superior than yourself in terms of the hierarchal structure.

And that is where I made my mistake.

See, the friend I was drinking with was born is 1995, a year before myself. Which in my mind made him older and thereby deserving of some modicum of cultural respect. But he was a late 95, while I am a mid 96. So, technically we are ‘friends’ in the Korean sense of the word.

And part of me knew that, the smart part, the part that was suspiciously silent as I picked up the bottle with two hands and proceeded to pour, much to his amusement. God, was I so embarrassed in that moment. I mean, as a foreigner you are constantly aware of the differences in culture, and continuously trying to honour those differences whenever possible. So there I was, thinking that I was doing the correct thing, only to find out that I was horribly, mortifyingly wrong.

Still, it is better to be safe than sorry.

But at the same time, there is no need for an umbrella on a sunny day.

 

 

 

NBA Buzzer Beat Festival 2019

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure whether or not I would be attending this concert, largely because I had only the vaguest sense of where it was and a very limited trust in the navigational powers of Naver Maps. But fortunately, as with most events, you only need to find yourself in the approximate area after which you can simply follow the usual suspects, who in this case were individuals such as myself: young with brand name clothing such as Thrasher, I Am Not A Human Being, Obey etc.

So there I was, at ground zero for this music festival I had not really heard about, but had somehow purchased a ticket to anyways. Only, at that point, my ticket was still floating around somewhere in cyber space, and while Internet tickets are common enough in Canada, online receipts for physical tickets are not. Luckily though I was able to track down a seemingly nice foreigner who took pity on my confusion and showed me exactly where I needed to go, and told me exactly what I needed to do.

Success.

Sort of.

Because after all, I still had the concert itself to contend with. And if you have ever been to a festival before then you know that it can be absolutely chaotic. Mainly because there are a multitude of stages with performances happening in tandem, meaning that sometimes you have to make a choice between one artist and another. However, as there were only two stages at this specific festival, which were initially divided based on genre, with one stage hosting more of the R&B based artists, and the other more Hip Hop, the choice of where to go was made far easier.

Until the end of the night, that is.

Which, as concert custom dictates, is when the main artists finally begin their sets.
But I am getting ahead of myself.

Because before the headliners, you have the warm-ups. Which for me included artists such as Won Jang, Junny, Jiselle, Jeon Jiyun, and Niihwa. The latter of which is the only one I would consider worth mentioning. After all, there is a reason most of these artists are placed so early in the line-up, when people are still filtering in. But you would be surprised at how little that fact affects their performance. Whether skilled or not, each artist performed as if in front of an audience of a thousand, instead of a crowd of a mere hundred.

Niihwa, in particular managed to surprise me. An R&B based artist, Niihwa managed to command the stage the moment he set foot on it with an easy confidence unknown to most of the artists who preceded him. But more than that, he demonstrated impeccable vocals and an ability to contrast his angelic falsetto with deep baritone raps.

Following him though was an artist that I don’t even remember watching, Gweon Yeonghun. He could have been a rapper or a singer, and I honestly couldn’t tell you. But what I could tell you, is that immediately following his exit from stage the crowd thickened, multiplying into at least a thousand as everyone in the arena prepared for the next performer.

Zion. T

Even his name distinguishes him, marking him with an undeniable swagger. And as one of the most respected artists in Korea, I will have to admit that my expectations were a bit high. But as always happens with high expectations reality failed to meet them leaving me only with a mild case of disappointment. I say mild, because were I to have been a fan of Zion.T I may have found his performance far better, but as someone merely curious to see how the seasoned performer did…I could only feel underwhelmed. And the feeling persisted as he was followed by amateur crew, Frank Musik, who did possess some talent with rap but lacked the necessary experience to truly work the stage. While both Holmes Crew and Vagabond Tribe, both of whom have experience, lacked the impact associated with their respective names. After all, Holmes Crew once included Hashswan, while Vagabond Tribe continues to be lead by the controversial Changstarr.

Fortunately though, that series of disappointments ended the moment Penomeco took to the stage. Now, Penomeco is one of those artists that I have been keeping a close eye on because like many other artists in Korea, I see his potential, though I have yet to be sold on his actual music. See, while there are definitely songs of his that I enjoy listening to, as a whole, I find that he errs too much on the side of R&B whereas I prefer rap. But whether R&B or hip-hop, his live charisma is infectious to the point where I didn’t even care what song was playing. Though it should be said, that he chose his set-list well. Opening with his feature in the track Fancy Child, Penomeco immediately took control of the room, and from beginning to end delivered a performance that none could complain about.

And that right there, was when the tide turned.

Because from that moment on, the crowds were thick and filled with excitement as well-known artists each took their turn at the lime-light. The first of which, for me at least, was Ash Island whose set I caught the tail end of as I switched from one arena to the other.

Now, Ash Island is one of the more recent recruits to the Ambition Musik Label, founded by the CEOs of Illionaire Records Dok2 and The Quiett. But despite belonging to such a major player in the rap scene, I had never really listened to Ash Island, partially because I had never heard of him prior to his contract with Ambition and felt that there wasn’t enough justification for his success. That people were, in effect, supporting him simply because of the label. And while that may be true, it should not detract from the fact that he is skilled. He knows how to attract the attention of an audience, how to fill up a stage and perform effectively. He is one of those people that I must admit to having judged too early. Because now he is one of those people that I plan on watching more closely.

Whereas in contrast, you have Legit Goons and The Cohort, both crews that have already established themselves in Korean hip-hop, and no longer possess potential. Only talent. They are what some may call seasoned professionals and they certainly showed that with their comfort on stage. But as comfortable as they were with performing, they are not artists that I would personally choose to listen to, for stylistic reasons. Though I must admit, that there is something compelling about the rapper Okasian, who used to belong to the label Hi-Lite Records along with fellow crew member, B-Free. The latter of whom wanted nothing more than for people to party. He kept asking for a mosh pit to form, only to be met again and again by silence, until frustrated, he stepped into the crowd, in the exact spot I was standing.

It was kind of hilarious, especially when the two boys beside me lost their composure, and revealed themselves to be true fans of the hip-hop genre. Even more so, when VMC began their performance. I mean, they knew every song, and every word, and could say it alongside the artists without a single breath lost between them. Though, with VMC that is not that much of a feat. I have seen the label perform twice, and can attest to the fact that their set-list has not varied much in recent years. For as respected and popular as they are, they do not frequently release new albums.

Still, I acknowledge them.

It’s just that I happen to acknowledge other rappers a little bit more. Such as BeWhy, whose rap is without flaw. I mean this is an artist that can spit bars for four minutes straight without the need of a tiring hook to fill in the silence. He packs in his rhymes tight, and writes as much for meaning as he does for impact. And the worst is, he has only gotten better since his stint on Show Me The Money. Having previously seen him perform in Toronto, I was impressed by how much more professional his stage had become, and how well he was able to fill it. No longer did he have to repeat songs to complete a set, or use idle chatter to catch his breath. This time he was able to transition from one song to the next, barely using audience interactions. And when he did he used his characteristic good nature to extract laughter and smiles and raucous applause that rang far louder than it did for any other artist that night.

Including MKIT Rain, who were supposedly the headliners for this half of the festival. But as anticipated as they were, or perhaps because of how anticipated they were, they were just not as good as BeWhy had been. Though to be fair, Behwy is a tough act to follow. Still, you would think with veterans such as Nafla and Loopy in the mix, and a reputation for hype appearances that the label would have been able to deliver a phenomenal show. Not to say that the show was bad. But as a fan of the artists, I personally felt that they were performing under their capabilities.

I mean this is a label known for expertly crafted collaborations, but for some reason, they decided to divide their one hour slot into individual sets. Sure, you had Nafla and AP perform the song “Mercy” together, which was a pleasant surprise since AP is not part of the MKIT Rain roster, and you had Loopy and Nafla performing hits from their combined album, and at the end you had the quintessential “Weathermen.” But there was so much else on top of that, that they could have and should have done. For instance, you have Loopy’s song “No More” which features Young West, and “Broken Hurt” which featues Niahn, and of course you have all the tracks from the MKIT Rain album.

It could have been a MKIT Rain concert. But instead it was a mini showcase of each individual rapper, and unfortunately, in this case, the pack was stronger than the lone wolf.

Overall though, I was pleased with the festival, and should I find myself in Korea another year, will likely attend again.

Only this time, I will be sure to wear comfortable shoes, and drink water (because I didn’t)

Masala

Menu: Indian Cuisine
Location:
Gaeksa, Jeonju

Comments: First of all, this is not the easiest place to find. Located off the main road and tucked into an unmarked alley, with barely a sign to announce its presence, Masala is one of those places that you either know or you don’t. Kind of like the Island in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. But considering it’s poor locale, this restaurant remains one of the most popular in the Gaeksa area. Probably because the staff can speak fluent English, making it a foreigner favorite, while the luscious interior and mouth-watering food make it an ideal place for young Korean couples. Although, I personally would not choose to go on my own, because as I have come to realize,  Indian food is not my preferred style of cuisine. I just don’t understand food that requires you to order an additional dish, such as rice or naan, to eat it properly. Like, why isn’t that shit just automatically included? But putting that aside…if you are hungry, and craving something hearty then I would definitely recommend tracking down this place. Because if nothing else: you will walk away feeling full.

Rating: 6/10

GAMA

Menu: Authentic Italian Style Pizza and Pasta
Location:
Gaeksa, Jeonju

Comments: Know the saying, “never judge a book by it’s cover” well…the same goes for restaurants in Korea, because often times the exterior of the buildings look questionable at best, and GAMA is no exception. With a lackluster sign, and dim-lit staircase GAMA by no means seems like the kind of place to go for an Instagram-able meal. Yet the interior has all the exposed brick and open windows that an aesthetically biased critic could ask for. It is absolutely gorgeous. A beautiful mix of industrial and modern design. But it’s not just the eyes that GAMA pleases. Accompanied by a wide array of traditional style Italian pizzas and pastas, GAMA is one of those hidden gems for foreigners craving a taste of home. Although, you won’t find Parmesan on any of their ingredient lists, which is, admittedly, a little disappointing. But you know, when in Rome…

Rating: 8/10

Missed Signals and Miscommunications

As much as I wish it weren’t true, the fact is that there are foreigners in Korea who came, in part, to this country with the overly romanticized notion of finding themselves a Korean boyfriend or girlfriend. Which is problematic to the say the least. But just because there are individuals such as this, doesn’t mean that there are not foreigners interested in developing real and meaningful relationships with native Koreans.

But to do that, one first needs to understand the dating culture here in Korea which can be extremely different from Western culture. Although, with Western expansion, and the proliferation of Western media, many Koreans are adopting more of a Western style.

This can be good or bad.

Because just as the Korean style of dating has flaws, so does the Western. One of which is the tendency to become immediately intimate. Or at the very least, some-what physical. Every date must contain a kiss, and if it doesn’t the date is often considered a failure. After all, if they are interested in you than why wouldn’t they want to kiss you? But that assumption often makes the “ass of you and me” in Korea. Because here it is not uncommon for Korean men to wait until they are officially in a relationship before initiating physical contact.

And believe it or not, that includes hand-holding.

Crazy I know, and utterly confusing. Because without those physical signals, how do you differentiate between ‘just’ and ‘more than’ friends? Especially when the majority of signs you do receive are lost in translation. And not because of the language barrier, but because of cultural differences.

For instance, in all of my barely existent love life, I have never encountered a Canadian as verbally expressive as a Korean. Especially when it comes to the frequency of the communication. I’m talking hours of back and forth texting, late-night phone calls, long-evening walks with no other intention than to get to know you just that little bit more.

And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

People here are just so much more willing to go above and beyond, whereas in Canada we seem to only ever do what is convenient. I’ve had people here travel hours by bus to see me, whereas in Canada a 45 minute train ride was often deemed too far.

But are these grand gestures the Korean equivalent of a roll in the sheets? Or are they simply acts of kindness, committed in order to cement a burgeoning friendship?

If you know the answer…please tell me in the comments below!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sing For the Moment

Okay, so here’s the thing: I absolutely love to sing, and there are many incriminating videos of me to prove it (apparently I have a thing for hotel rooms) but unfortunately God, instead of blessing me with the voice of an angel, gave me the voice of a dying cat. And not even a gently dying cat either, we’re talking a screeching mewling mess just begging to be put out of it’s misery.

Which sucks.

But what sucks even more is the fact that it took me nine years to realize this. Because when you’re a kid you don’t think about your body’s physiology, and how sound is transferred through the various parts of the ear to the auditory center of the brain. You just talk, and assume that the voice you hear echoing in your head is your own and not some auto-tuned version of it.

In other words, I thought I sounded like Christina Aguilera, and if not for a particularly bad rendition of the song “My Heart will go on” I would have taken that thought right onto my elementary school stage. Not that it would have mattered, because by then I had already been mocked for how I sang the National Anthem, and duped into thinking I had talent just so that my ‘friends’ could turn me into their inside joke.

So can you blame me for having a bit of a trauma when it comes to singing? Though I am sure there are those who wish it was more than a bit, because I still sing along to the radio, and to the songs stuck in my head. But singing along in the backseat of a car with the windows rolled down and the summer breeze tousling your hair is one thing, while singing along to the track blasting through the speakers, with a microphone in hand and lyrics on screen, in a room with other people, is something else entirely.

And that my friends is what Karaoke basically is, which in Korea is called Noraebang. An important distinction, because Noraebang in English literally translates as Song-Room, so unlike in the West where karaoke usually takes place at a dive bar in front of a crowd of drunken people, Noraebangs are far more private, and often consist of a small room with just you and a handful of your friends. Not that, that makes it necessarily any easier for someone like me. Especially when the friends I would be comfortable singing in front of are an ocean and a few countries away.

But luckily, until just this past weekend, I had been fortunate enough to avoid it. Mostly because in a small town such as Jangsu there are few opportunities to go to a Noraebang, and anytime I have been in the city I have been with foreign friends for whom singing is not the cultural past-time that it is for most Koreans. Which isn’t to say that foreigners do not enjoy going to Noraebangs, because I know many who do. I am just not one of them.

So how did I end up going, you may ask?

Well, it started with a promise.

See, about three weeks ago I met someone, a native Korean, born and bred in the city of Daegu. And you know me, ever eager to impress, so when he suggested going to a Noraebang during our first meeting, I couldn’t just say no, so instead I offered him a rain-check, which he just so happened to cash on my Birthday, two weeks later. And who was I to say no then?

Nobody, apparently. Because there I was, wandering the back of alleys of Hongdae, tipsy on beer and soju and already flushed with embarassment. And I mean, I warned him. Frequently and emphatically, because I wanted there to be zero expectation, so that when it inevitably became my turn, there would be no doubt as to my lack of skill.

Although, as terrible a singer as I am, I can, at the very least, speak quickly and accurately which comes in handy when doing a more spoken verse, such as that in the Imagine Dragon’s song “Believer” or in Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep.” Also, in preparation for my inevitable Noraebang debut, I have been practicing some Korean rap songs, most notable Loopy’s song “Save Me.”

So I actually had some moments of moderate success. And let me tell you, there is a certain pride that comes with being able to perfectly execute a song in a Noraebang.

But it’s not just about execution, because just as there are songs that you should sing, there are also songs that you shouldn’t. And the key with that, is mood. If the mood is relaxed, you can afford to break out a ballad or a more somber tune. But if the mood is high and the room loud, you want to maintain that energy with upbeat melodies and familiar tracks.

Though of course none of this applies if you can actually sing, because in that case there are no rules since anything you choose to do is likely to sound good. But for the general public, it is best to come prepared with a mental list of known hits, because long wait times can also sour the atmosphere.

And one last thing: regardless of what kind of voice you have, commit. Do not be that person who whispers into their microphone, and is drowned out by the impromptu back-up singers. Project. Exercise your vocal chords, and sing for the moment.

Because a moment is all we ever have.

 

Oh My Days: The Days Hair Salon

After a little over a month here in Korea, the time had come. My hair needed a cut. And not just a simple trim either, no, that would be far too easy. It would require the skills of a true professional to tame what my friends have endearingly come to call the ‘Floof.’

But of course, nothing is simple when you live in a foreign country, and finding the right salon? Well, that can be a challenge at the best of times. Fortunately, back in Canada I had found my go-to place, where satisfaction was guaranteed. But here, in Korea, I had yet to be so lucky.

Mostly because there are not all that many options when you live in the middle of nowhere. Which meant expanding outwards to good ol’ trusty Seoul. The city of convenience. But convenience does not necessarily mean good, and being able to speak English does not necessarily a good hair stylist make. So to the foreigner blogs, and review sites I went, scavenging the net for any morsel of information I could find. Not knowing who to trust, or what to believe.

Until I found ‘The Days.’

Now ‘The Days’ is a brother run salon located in Hongdae, just off of exit 9, and though it is not widely known, it’s reputation is (so far) positive. Of course, individual experiences may vary. But as far as my personal account goes…I would say they fell just shy of expectations.

See, as friendly as they were when I first arrived, the main stylist I was booked with had only to take one look at the style I wanted to say ‘No’. Which was not entirely surprising, because the style I had originally wanted was very short, and quite extreme by Korean standards, and I had been steered away from similar looks by Western salons in the past. Still, it was the firmness of the ‘no’ that bothered me, especially because it wasn’t coming from a place of ‘I think this will look bad on you,’ but from a place of ‘this is far too short for a woman.’

Also, I am 90% sure that I heard the stylist use the word 이상해 when discussing my haircut with another stylist, which means ‘strange.’ But of course, he translated it as something else.

In the end though, I did get close to what I wanted. My hair is exceptionally short, with closely buzzed sides and back. Which the stylist did with absolutely no hesitation. I mean, he literally just came in with the razor and bye bye my hair went. It was quick, but not careless work.

That much I will give them.

They do seem to genuinely care about the work that they do. And from the glimpses I caught of the other clients in the room, they are quite good at it. For instance, there was an African American woman getting her hair dyed in the chair behind me, while to my right a man with a beard was getting his look cleaned up. He actually asked about whether the salon did beard trimmings are not, and instead of simply saying ‘no’ the stylist offered to provide recommendations of barbershops in the area.

So it could be that I am the exception and not the rule.

Or likelier still…that what I was asking was a bit too much. After all it’s not everyday that you have a woman, with already short hair, come in and say: Hey, I am thinking of buzzing it off. Thoughts?

Photo Credit: Richard Glen Lett

Mansion5

Menu: Western Brunch Cuisine
Location: Jungangro, Daegu, South Korea

Comments: So, my friends and I decided to go for a late lunch whilst in downtown Daegu and stumbled upon this gem. Located off one of the side alleys, Mansion5 has all the markings of a typical Korean restaurant, meaning that it’s perfect for that imprompto photoshoot wherein you pretend to be candid while forcing your friend to take 100+ photos from every angle, because God knows you need that perfect shot for your #OOTD. It is absolutely gorgeous. With a traditional exterior and more modern interior, the architects for this place definitely knew how to make use of their real estate. I am talking wood furniture and open beams, outdoor patio with a zen garden atmosphere. It is the spot for both connoisseurs of aesthetic and cuisine. Which brings me to the food. My friend and I ordered a french toast to split, while I added in a coconut smoothie because I love coconut, and who doesn’t love smoothies?

It was delicious. The coconut smoothie had none of that artificial flavouring, and was a good consistency, neither too thick or too watery. While the french toast had a bit of a unique texture, compared to the Western version of the dish. My theory is that they created the ‘bread’ from scratch using a recipe similar to what you would find for waffles but with additional egg added to give it that kind of fluffy but moist texture. Taste wise though? I couldn’t complain, especially seeing as it was served with not only the usual fresh fruit and powdered sugar but also nutella. And as everyone in the 21st century knows…nutella is like crack for people with a bit of a sweet tooth.

Rating: 7/10